A Man Named Dana

Howdy Folks!

Yeah, its been three months at least since I last blogged. Sometimes its tough to think of things to rant about when you have a life more ordinary like mine.

I think we all tend to believe that we are unique and special--that there is no one in the world quite like us. We think that everything we do is wonderful and without precedent in the history of mankind. Isn't that why we blog? "Hey! Its ME here! Listen to ME! I've got something important to say about ME!" What none of us wants to face is the painful fact that we are all ordinary and despite distinctions of class we are similar, if not identical, incarnations of the ONE human model.

So, for all you wonderful folks out there who think you have a special place in the Universe, I'm here to tell you that it just ain't so. You are ordinary. Very ordinary. Nothing special at all. Just a biological blot living out an ordinary life on an ordinary planet in an ordinary solar system of an ordinary galaxy among billions in the vastness of space and time.

Get over yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah....

We all have bad days, right? True. In this asinine world you always have a few. I do. I know you do too. Somedays though, it seems like nothing goes right. No matter what you do.

I was up early this Saturday morning. Couldn't sleep. Some weird-ass dream about a Broadway musical concerning a twelve bedroom mansion. Nice and lyrical. Weird as hell though. Where does the brain come up with this shit anyway? I can't tell you the last time I even thought about a Broadway musical. Now I dream about them. The other day I had some strange science-fiction dream about global warming and rising ocean levels that drove everyone up the slopes of the highest mountains until finally we (the remaining few geniuses) were left scrambling up Mount Everest into the thinning oxygen and eventually to our deaths.

Cheery, eh?

Anyway, I got dressed and read the morning paper. Checked the email. Headed out the door around 8:20 am on my way to work at the dealership. Icy outside the house. Mid 20's. Sunny and calm. Not a bad March day in this part of the world. Still, I knew something didn't feel quite right.

A few minutes later I spin my truck out on the entrance ramp to the interstate a few blocks from my house. Black ice in a low spot on the road sent me flying up the embankment towards the light pole off the ramp. I was moving only 20-30 mph when I hit the patch of frozen water. Just enough, in my case, to start a chain reaction towards God-knows-what. First thought I had was, "Oh, shit, this ain't good." Quickly, your brain goes through a big ol' check list of shit that's not going to do you a damn bit of good. Stuff like: "Where's that frickin' light pole at?" and "Don't let this hurt too much." Stuff you have no control over. Snow on the embankment was flying up, OVER the hood of my truck as I was moving backwards toward the inevitable crash.

In five seconds it was over. I managed to avoid hitting the light pole with MOST of my truck. I didn't quite clear all of it in time. If I had been going faster I might have missed it. As it was I slowed down enough so that my truck started sliding down the hill back toward the roadway. WHAM! I hit the light pole flush on my passenger door, slid along it for a few feet and sliced the side mirror clean off like a hot knife through a stick of butter. I bounced off the pole and came to rest about a yard past it, my ass end still pointed in the direction I was headed.

The mirror went flying through the air, missed a car merging onto the freeway, and ended up in the middle of the on-ramp about twenty feet away. The truck stalled and there I sat feeling like a fool for thinking I was going to die in a roll-over or some dramatic finale like that.

I got out of the cab and stepped into a couple inches of the hard, crusty ice that was covering the bank. I was prepared for a really horrible sight when I came around the front end of the truck. Surprisingly, it wasn't all that bad. Not as bad as it could have been.

A couple of people stopped to see if everything was okay. I assured them I was fine and then I called 9-1-1 on my cell phone.

As I waited for the law to arrive on the scene I watched the car whizzing by at full speed. I was going to run out into the on-ramp to fetch the mirror assembly that laid there like a bear trap for any unsuspecting motorist. Before I could pluck up my courage to make the jaunt a white sedan went flying by and *BLAM* it ran over the three-prong bolt assembly of the mirror. Like a moth to a flame some idiot couldn't avoid the thing lying in the roadway. Blew the tire. Pieces of the remaining mirror went flying everywhere. "Forget that idea."

The State Trooper was a nice enough guy. Told me to be careful. Luckily I didn't get cited. I even had my belt on when the crash happened. Always do.

After the officer handed me a copy of the accident report I backed up and pointed myself in the direction of the dealership and slowly merged into the westbound traffic.

As I passed under the overpass ahead I could see a white sedan over on the side of the road. The female occupant was stopped, lights flashing, changing the tire she blew after running over the mirror a few minutes earlier.

At work I got a few concerned inquires from co-workers who had seen me on the side of the road earlier when they were on their way to work. Some people gave me a bunch of shit for being reckless. Others didn't give a shit.

It was a nice day otherwise, in terms of the weather. I talked to more people today than I had in the previous three weeks. I didn't sell anything but I managed to get one customer to paper. It might be a sale next week. Maybe.

Car accidents really put a harsh on your day, eh?

It has been colder than a chicken leg at a Vegan's Banquet around here lately. Wind chills today have been hovering around the -30F mark. Its harder than hell to sell cars and almost as bad doing anything outside.

We've been blessed so far in that we've had not much snow, for that I'm really grateful but for the cold I'm less than pleased.

Other than the weather there's not a whole lot going on in the world of Dana these days. I work every day selling cars and managing the local public access station. Outside work I've got absolutely nothing going on. Really.

They've updated Blogger now so keep checking back often as I try to figure out all the new features available to bloggers.

Will Ghost Rider be a hit or a miss? I can't even tell if its a comedy or not. It looks funny but maybe its a drama. Who knows?

Maybe it'll be the thing that will warm up this winter.

I just noticed that I've been blogging now for THREE YEARS! Woooooo-hooooo!

Happy Anniversary to me.

I just want to say thanks to all of you folks out there who've made me what I am today. Whatever that is that I am I owe it all to you wonderful people out there in the dark.

You love me! You really, really love me!

Thanks a million.

My car is healed and so is my head (almost).

I really don't have any new tales of adventure or woe to relay since most of my time is spent trying to sell cars.

I do have a hole in my garage I need to fix (due to years of water damage and rot) sometime soon, but really nothing else of importance is happening.

Dull enough for ya?

I feel horrible this morning.

I'm lethargic and I've got a raging headache in a portion of my brain that usually doesn't generate pain for me. I honestly think I had a mild concussion yesterday when I backed my NEW Ford F-150 pickup into a light pole on my employer's parking lot. I was only going about five or ten miles per hour at impact, but it was enough to shake up my skull when I hit the head rest. The truck got whacked pretty good too.

I feel stupid for having had an accident only four days after getting my new truck. But shit like that happens when you least expect it. Right? I took my eyes off the mirrors long enough to wave goodnight to a fellow employee and that's all it took.

The truck can be repaired. I can heal. By this time next year it'll all be a vague memory.

I hope.

Well, as I've reported over on my other blog, Dana Sells Cars, I just notched my first two car sales this past Tuesday.

If I could sell that number every week then I'm at my minimum quota and I would be very happy. If I could sell more I would be even happier.

I like selling cars. It can be a little frustrating at times, but when you make the sale for a customer there is a real good feeling inside. Plus being around new cars and the new car smell is a real big motivator for me. Ha.


The weather has definitely moved toward Spring in the past few days. Most of the local snowpack has evaporated with the warm temps in the region. I haven't seen the sun for a week but I expect it to pop out any time now.

Everything else is going well at the moment so no complaints here.